As weather and events point increasingly to the impending apocalypse, the National Weather Service issued a tornado watch for a big portion of the Northeast, including New York City, all of New Jersey, Pennsylvania and all the way down to Washington, D.C. After the tornado, experts said it would be likely that a plague of locusts would descend on the Hurricane Sandy-ravaged area, followed by brimstone, fire and maniacal chuckling from a disembodied voice in the sky.
Jonas Arch of the International Weather Bureau said, “What’s happening is that the storm front that swept through the midwest is making its way and butting up against a cold front off the shore. Also, as the seven seals of the apocalypse are opened, we’re likely to experience increasingly unusual weather patterns. Analysts predict that seven angelic trumpeters and seven bowls of judgment should showing up on Doppler radar within the week. And, of course, there’s Congress.”
Disclaimer, peeps, this is a joke. A simple snarky commentary on how nutty weather is getting in the Northeast. I don’t want to see this showing up on LiterallyUnbelievable or some other such site with someone quoting it as proof of endtimes. Please.