In Writing

What cures the scandal that arises when your people capriciously cause massive traffic snarls in one of the world’s most traffic-beleaguered towns as political payback? Well, if you’re the governor of New Jersey, you believe that the correct answer to that is, “Another traffic jam.”

Yesterday, after his kinda groveling press conference, in which Chris Christie’s tried unsuccessfully to transform his usually scowling face into that of a contrite altar boy by saying, “It made me sad,” a lot, he hopped into his Governor-mobile. Trailed by his usual state trooper detail, he headed over to Fort Lee to apologize to the mayor in person.

Now, this might all seem very exciting, unless you’ve seen one of these executive motorcades. They wreak the havoc of a mid-sized earthquake. (When Obama is in New York, the fastest method of transportation around town is a scooter). Troopers close down streets, “secure the area” and do other protection-y stuff I won’t pretend to understand. So, guess what happened in Fort Lee? Yep. Predictably, it caused a traffic jam.

Ummm… thank you? Apology kind of accepted, Governor. (Unless/until we uncover that you gave a wink and a nod to Bridget Anne Kelly to unleash the traffic-maggedon on Fort Lee. Then you’re toast). But, please, please, just stop paying attention to us now.

That is all.

PS- this piece about the new traffic jam is priceless. Apparently the Guv-visit even attracted a guy in a hamburger suit, adding to the carnival atmosphere of this already silly situation. Way to keep it classy during south-east Bergen County’s 15 minutes of national fame, Fort Lee. Click here.

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