In What's New, Writing

Inspired by the Carlos Danger Name Generator, I figured I’d do a quick post about the most fun ways to waste time online.  Link to the Carlos Danger Name Generator also included.  You’re welcome.

Porn Star Name Generator – while we’re on the subject of name generators, no one’s life is complete until they know what their name would be if their life had gone another way, right down the road where one exposes one’s privates for cash.  Methods of porn star name generation abound, including the old one about combining your first pet’s name with the name of the street you grew up on.  That almost works for me (the first dog I bought myself was named “Lucky”) but it all falls apart on the street thing.  “Lucky 85th” would not have gotten me far in the industry.  Porn Star Name Generator to the rescue.  What I like about it is that it doesn’t just toss out a name, it asks you things like “Favorite fetish.”  Then it tailors your name accordingly.  Mine is Stella Star.  Love it!  Click here to find out yours.

Keep-Calm-o-Matic – in a nod to the ubiquity of the Keep Calm and Carry On signs, the Keep-Calm-o-Matic lets you generate your very own.  It helped me through a tough time when George Bush got a presidential library.   Click here to make yours.

BuzzFeed – this doesn’t help you generate anything but wasted hours.  With things as random as the “Top Corporate Logos Reimagined” (The BP logo is a BP-colored Angry Bird covered in oil) to “25 Things More Exciting Than the Royal Baby” (the Ikea Monkey), you can lose yourself in mindless amusement until your boss comes over and asks why you’re giggling.  Click here.

Engrish – quite possibly my favorite website of all time.  I have spent countless hours on the bus laughing like a maniac, tears streaming down my face, totally freaking my fellow passengers out, all thanks to Engrish.com, a website dedicated to ridiculous signs.  Most of them are bad translations from overseas.  My favorite is a picture of a Chinese food menu in which the English translation reads:  “Chicken rude and unreasonable.”    Click here to get hooked.

Damn You Autocorrect – in the same vein as Engrish, this incredibly addicting site shows screenshots of text conversations in which autocorrect did more harm than good.  Another favorite bus pastime that makes me laugh out loud inappropriately. Gems like “I found the caveman buried in my closet so we’re all set” will keep you clicking long after you should be doing something productive.  Click here to find more mindless stuff to post on your Facebook wall.

Carlos Danger Name Generator – and, as promised, the CDNG.  Because no one should be deprived of their own ridiculous internet name.  Mine is Antonia Catastrophe.  I almost wish I could have TWO separate porn careers just so I could use both Antonia Catastrophe AND Stella Star.  (But not really)  Click here for yours.

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